Thanks to Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD for her talk about “Exploring the 5 C’s of Intimacy.” I’ll do my best to transcribe my notes in this blog. You can always contact Dr. Jenn to setup an appointment at 858-880-5944. She charges $75 per hour.
Here goes …
What is intimacy? Dr. Jenn likes to say “Into Me You See.”
First C: Care. Feeling good about yourself can add to intimacy so self-care is important. Tips: 1) Give satisfaction to yourself by using meditative masturbation or erotica. 2) Take time for yourself every week. 3) Keep a personal private journal.
Second C: Communication. Willingness to be vulnerable opens up communication lines. Use Compassionate communication. 1)Both agree that this is a safe place. 2)State facts on the situation and agree on the facts. 3) “This is how I felt…” Use “I” and feeling words. 4) This is what it meant to me. Use “me.” 5) Negotiation. “Next time we can try this …” Tip: Write it down.
Third C: Contentment. Bring in positiveness and put a smile on your face. Be mindful without judgment. Tips: 1)End your day writing down 3-5 things you appreciated that day. (3 gratitudes) 2) Write down 15-20 strengths of your partner and share with each other. 3) Stoplight exercise – take a few breaths and use the few seconds as a gift of mindfullness.
Fourth C: Confidence. Be comfortable in your own skin. Tips: 1) Be mindful around criticizing other women or criticizing yourself. 2)Try an archtype. Think of a women/celebrity that you admire and adopt her qualities for yourself.
Fifth C: Creativity. Think outside the box. Find your boundaries then gently nudge your boundaries. Start with your five senses. Tip: Intimacy Night – bring in your five senses. Feel silly with your partner.
Dr Jenn’s booklist:
Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self Acceptance by Rosie Molinary
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller
Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas
Calling In the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas