Exploring the 5 C’s of Intimacy

Thanks to Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD for her talk about “Exploring the 5 C’s of Intimacy.”  I’ll do my best to transcribe my notes in this blog.  You can always contact Dr. Jenn to setup an appointment at 858-880-5944.  She charges $75 per hour.

Here goes …

What is intimacy?  Dr. Jenn likes to say “Into Me You See.”

First C:  Care.  Feeling good about yourself can add to intimacy so self-care is important.  Tips: 1) Give satisfaction to yourself by using meditative masturbation or erotica. 2) Take time for yourself every week.  3) Keep a personal private journal.

Second C:  Communication.  Willingness to be vulnerable opens up communication lines.  Use Compassionate communication.   1)Both agree that this is a safe place.  2)State facts on the situation and agree on the facts.  3) “This is how I felt…”  Use “I” and feeling words.  4) This is what it meant to me.  Use “me.”  5) Negotiation.  “Next time we can try this …”  Tip:  Write it down.

Third C: Contentment.  Bring in positiveness and put a smile on your face.  Be mindful without judgment.  Tips: 1)End your day writing down 3-5 things you appreciated that day.  (3 gratitudes) 2) Write down 15-20 strengths of your partner and share with each other. 3) Stoplight exercise – take a few breaths and use the few seconds as a gift of mindfullness.

Fourth C:  Confidence.  Be comfortable in your own skin.  Tips:  1) Be mindful around criticizing other women or criticizing yourself. 2)Try an archtype.  Think of a women/celebrity that you admire and adopt her qualities for yourself.

Fifth C:  Creativity.  Think outside the box.  Find your boundaries then gently nudge your boundaries.  Start with your five senses.  Tip: Intimacy Night – bring in your five senses.  Feel silly with your partner.

Dr Jenn’s booklist:

Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self Acceptance by  Rosie Molinary

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller

Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas

Calling In the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas

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